Want a Stronger Relationship? Start with Appreciation
- Clayton Falk M.A,
- Feb 14
- 3 min read
February is both Psychology Month and the month of love, making it the perfect time to explore how psychological research can help us build stronger, healthier relationships. One of the simplest yet most powerful tools is appreciation.
Research from Drs. John and Julie Gottman shows that expressing fondness and admiration is essential for relationship success. In fact, couples who actively acknowledge and appreciate each other are more likely to stay connected, reduce conflict, and strengthen their bond over time.
Why Appreciation Matters in Relationships
In my work with couples, I've seen firsthand how appreciation can shift a relationship's dynamic. When negativity builds, many partners unintentionally start minimizing or overlooking the positive things their significant other does. They may focus on frustrations while ignoring the small (and big) acts of care and kindness that still exist.
However, it can be a game-changer when couples intentionally look for the good and express appreciation. They begin to recognize what they've taken for granted, and many tell me they feel more connected just from making this slight shift.
Practical Ways to Express Appreciation
Building appreciation doesn't require grand gestures—small, consistent expressions often make the most significant difference. Think daily sharing of appreciation. Here are some simple but effective ways to practice appreciation in your relationship:
Say "thank you" for everyday things.
A simple acknowledgement goes a long way. Instead of taking daily tasks for granted, express appreciation for them—whether it's making coffee, cooking, doing laundry, filling the gas tank, tidying up, etc. These small acknowledgements reinforce warmth and connection in a relationship.
Use the ''I Appreciate'' Adjective Exercise.
One exercise I often use with couples in therapy, based on the Gottmans' research, is the “I Appreciate Adjective Checklist”. It's designed to help partners identify and verbalize the positive qualities they see in each other—qualities they may have stopped noticing over time.
A simple way to try this exercise on your own is to ask yourself:
What are the personality traits I admire in my partner?
Is my partner thoughtful? Brave? Caring? Adventurous? Reliable? Generous? Funny? Hardworking? Patient? Supportive? Affectionate? Creative? Loyal? Playful? Strong?
How do they show these qualities in our relationship?
You don't need a formal list to do this—just take a moment to reflect on the traits you appreciate most about your partner and express them to them. A simple statement like, "I love how thoughtful you are when you check in on me during a busy day," can create instant warmth and connection.
Surprise them with appreciation.
Catch your partner doing something great and let them know—in the moment or as a sweet, unexpected message. A little surprise appreciation can have a significant impact.
Share appreciation in front of others.
Mentioning something positive about your partner when talking to friends or family reinforces admiration and creates a positive ripple effect.
Make appreciation a daily habit.
Before bed, share one thing you appreciated about each other that day. This small ritual can shift your entire relationship dynamic over time.
Beyond Romance: Appreciation in Families
Practicing appreciation isn't just for couples—it strengthens all relationships, including those with family, children, and friends. Many couples I've worked with have told me that once they started appreciating each other more, they naturally extended it to their kids and noticed a more positive family atmosphere as a result.
Final Thoughts: Small Changes, Big Impact
Appreciation isn't just a nice-to-have in relationships—it's a research-backed way to build emotional connection and resilience. A little gratitude goes a long way in romantic relationships, family dynamics, or friendships.
Try this today: Surprise your partner with a simple appreciation and see how they respond. You might start a habit that transforms your relationship.
Regards,
Clayton Falk M.A.,
Registered Psychologist &
Canadian Certified Counsellor
About the author of the article:
Clayton Falk, MA, Registered Psychologist & Canadian Certified Counsellor
Clayton is a Registered Psychologist in Alberta who is currently one of the founders and co-owners of the Airdrie Counselling Centre. If you would like to see Clayton’s profile or book an appointment with him, please click on the link below.
