What to Expect from Couples Counselling
- Clayton Falk M.A
- Sep 30
- 3 min read
Why Couples Counselling Takes Time And Why It Is Worth Starting Sooner
It is not uncommon for couples to begin therapy, hoping that two or three sessions will resolve what they are facing. Sometimes, there is an expectation that couples counselling will offer a quick fix or bring about immediate change. This is entirely understandable. When tension or distance exists in a relationship, most people want relief as soon as possible. However, the reality is that lasting change in a relationship does not happen overnight.
If you and your partner are finding things difficult, or even just a little off, it is worth taking time to understand what couples counselling typically involves and how change tends to unfold.
Real Change Takes Time, And That Is Okay
Couples counselling is supported by a growing body of research that demonstrates its effectiveness. That said, real and lasting change usually requires more than one or two sessions. Couples therapy is not just about discussing problems; it's also about exploring solutions. It involves identifying long-standing patterns, learning new ways to relate to one another, and consistently applying those new strategies in daily life.
Whether working from the Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy, or another evidence-informed approach, most effective treatment takes place over a series of sessions. The length of time varies depending on the couple, the complexity of the concerns, and how long those concerns have been present. It also depends on how much effort both partners are willing to invest inside and outside of sessions. Small daily changes made consistently over time are what create momentum and meaningful results.
Many Couples Wait A Long Time Before Seeking Support
One of the most striking findings from relationship research is how long couples often wait before seeking help. Some studies suggest that couples wait more than two years after serious problems begin before attending their first counseling session. Research from Drs. John and Julie Gottman indicates that many couples wait even longer, with the average being closer to six years.
That is several years of disconnection, unresolved conflict, or emotional distance. During that time, unhealthy patterns can become more deeply ingrained, and feelings of frustration or hopelessness may grow.
Waiting does not mean a relationship cannot improve, but it often means the work of rebuilding takes more time and care. By contrast, couples who reach out earlier tend to have more emotional energy and openness to do the work, which can support a more effective and less stressful counselling experience.
Counselling Is Most Effective When Both Partners Are Engaged
Therapy is not something that is done to you. It is something that both partners participate in. The most meaningful change occurs when each person is willing to reflect, try something different, and apply what they have learned to their daily interactions.
Over the years of working with couples, I have observed that those who consistently put in effort, show up open to learning what makes a relationship work, and actively practice what we discuss, often notice positive shifts sooner. These couples tend to report improvements in communication, connection, and overall relationship satisfaction earlier in the counselling process.
Therapy sessions provide a structure and support for change, but what happens outside of those sessions matters just as much. Practicing new skills, being intentional in how you speak and listen, and being open to repair when conflict arises are all essential aspects of the work.
Investing In Your Relationship
If you are considering couples therapy, it does not mean that your relationship is failing. Couples counselling can be a proactive and preventive step, not just a last resort. Many couples attend therapy to strengthen their connection, address minor issues before they escalate, or develop new communication skills.
There is no perfect time to start therapy. But starting sooner can make the process more manageable and more effective. Relationships take effort, and seeking support early on is a powerful way to invest in the future of your relationship.
Would You Like to Learn More?
If you have questions about psychology, therapy, or mental health, feel free to reach out. I would love to help.
Regards,
Clayton Falk M.A.,
Registered Psychologist &
Canadian Certified Counsellor
About the author of the article:
Clayton Falk, MA, Registered Psychologist & Canadian Certified Counsellor
Clayton is a Registered Psychologist in Alberta who one of the founders and current owner of the Airdrie Counselling Centre. If you would like to see Clayton’s profile or book an appointment with him, please click on the link below.
