Connection and Loneliness
When we think about loneliness, we may picture someone who is physically alone, has few friends or family members, or lacks a community around them. For some people, this is exactly what loneliness looks like.
But loneliness can also look very different.
Someone can have a partner, family, friends, coworkers, and regular contact with others and still feel lonely. They may feel detached from the people around them, feel that they cannot truly share what they are experiencing, or feel as though they do not really belong.
Loneliness Is More Than Being Alone
Research distinguishes loneliness from social isolation. Social isolation generally refers to having limited social relationships, roles, or interactions with others. Loneliness refers more to the personal experience of feeling that our relationships or connections are not meeting our needs.
The two can occur together, but they are not the same. Someone who is socially isolated may also feel lonely. At the same time, a person can have many people around them and still experience loneliness.
This helps explain why two people in similar circumstances can experience connection very differently. One person may spend considerable time alone and feel content and connected, while another may spend much of their day surrounded by people and still feel lonely.
What feels missing can also differ from person to person. For some, it may be emotional closeness or having someone they feel safe sharing with. For others, it may be a feeling of belonging, community, shared interests, or purpose. Someone else may have too few opportunities for meaningful contact with others.
What Can Get in the Way of Connection?
In my work, I have seen many different things make it harder for people to develop or maintain the connections they want.
Depression, social anxiety, shyness, fears of rejection, and many other factors can make reaching out difficult. Previous experiences of being hurt or betrayed may make it difficult to trust others or be vulnerable. For some neurodivergent people, differences in how they experience social situations may also make it harder to find people with whom they feel accepted, understood, or connected.
Life circumstances matter too. Work schedules, school and children’s activities, caregiving responsibilities, geographic isolation, health concerns, and simply not having enough time can all limit opportunities to connect.
Some of these factors may be things we can change. Others may be largely outside of our control.
There Is No One Solution to Loneliness
There is no single solution or magic fix that works for everyone. Loneliness may involve missing connection, belonging, trust, meaningful relationships, or opportunities to spend time with others. Anxiety, past hurt, practical barriers, and many other factors may also contribute.
If you are experiencing loneliness in your life, it can be helpful to consider:
“What feels missing from my connections, and what may be getting in the way?”
The answer may point toward what could be useful. If you are missing contact with people you already trust, reconnecting with someone may help. If what feels missing is a feeling of belonging or shared interests, joining a group, volunteering, participating in an activity, or finding a community connected with your interests or values may create opportunities for connection.
For others, the factors contributing to loneliness may be more complicated. There is no single approach that will be right for everyone. What may help depends on the person, their circumstances, and what is contributing to their experience of loneliness.
If something in this blog has felt familiar or has helped you better understand your own experience, it may be worth giving some thought to what may be contributing to the loneliness or disconnection you are experiencing.
If loneliness has been persistent, difficult to understand, or hard to change on your own, working with a registered psychologist or registered social worker can provide an opportunity to explore these factors and identify approaches that fit you and your circumstances.
At Airdrie Counselling Centre, our registered psychologists and registered social workers work with people experiencing a wide range of concerns that can contribute to loneliness and disconnection. Counselling can provide a space to better understand what may be contributing to your experience and work toward changes that fit your particular needs and circumstances.
About the author of the article:
Clayton Falk, MA, Registered Psychologist & Canadian Certified Counsellor
Clayton is a Registered Psychologist in Alberta, one of the founders, and the current director of Airdrie Counselling Centre. He works with adults and couples and has clinical interests that include stress, anxiety, burnout, anger and other mood-related concerns, relationships, leadership demands, life transitions, and the psychological and relational impacts of artificial intelligence.
To learn more about Clayton or the team at Airdrie Counselling Centre, please visit:
